“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.”
— Stephan Labossiere
Sometimes we never truly get over that special one we love, even though they might have hurt us terribly or we had drifted apart, we still feel deeply for our ex. These feelings might be lust or pity or sympathy misinterpreted as love, but there are other times we actually feel love for our ex.
Hold on!!, before you act on your emotions and decide to get back with your ex, there are a lot of things you need to consider. Getting back with your ex can either make or mar you especially when you don’t take some important things into consideration. Before you get back with your ex, these are the things you have to consider.
I. Why did you guys break up?
This is the most important question you should ask your self. What caused the break up? Was it cheating?, miscommunication e.t.c. The reason for your breakup will determine to a large degree whether it is safe for your heart to get back into that relationship. For instance, if the reason was cheating, do you think you can handle his/her ways, or if he likes to decorate the bathroom toilet with his urine, can you find away to curb his excesses? When you have thought the reason for the break up then ask yourself what you want. Do you want to take a chance with this person that hurt you or you hurt previously. Make sure you are not planning to get back into the relationship for revenge, for revenge is a two–edged sword and it will cut both you and your ex. What you want and why you are considering to go back to him or her.
II. What changed?
What has changed over the years? Have you grown? Has your ex grown? If either you or your ex have not grown over the years, do not bother to go back into that relationship because it will be worse than the first. Also ask your self why now, why is this person coming back into my life or why am I still feeling this way about this person? Do I still love him or her? All these questions must be answered before you date your ex again. Make sure the goals you both set for your individual selves has been achieved. Never go back to an old flame because you are feeling lonely or desperately in need of love, you must consider dating your ex because you still have feelings for him or her.
III. Can you resolve the Issue?
After considering the above points, do you think you both can resolve the issue that caused your breakup. Do you harbor anger against this person? Can you forgive him or her? These numerous issues that split the two of you will come back to haunt you if you don’t sit down with him or her and discuss these issues and find out whether these issues can be dealt with, whether compromises can be made. If what caused the breakup was distance, what are the sacrifices and compromises that made to ease the problem of distance. If you can sort out all the issues that caused the split then you can move on.
IV. Are you done with old habits?
There is a adage that says old habits die hard, are your old bad habits dead? Are his/her old habits dead? If you were a womanizer, have you stop your womanizing ways? If you love to nag, have you learnt to control your tongue? If you have anger issues, have you been learnt to control your temper? Don’t drag old dirty habits from your past, past relationships to this new one. Dump all your old habits and focus on building both yourself as a person and the relationship.
V. Can you face the world as a couple?
Though your family and friends knew how devastating the break up was to you, will they be able to accept him or her back as your other half. Will you be able to convince your family and friends that s/he means well and you are willing to take a chance with him/her. And if they refuse to accept him or her, can you be with your ex no matter what anybody feels or says about the relationship?
All these questions are basic questions you need to ask and have answers to before you date your ex. Remember do not go back to your ex because s/he is the available person and you are feeling lonely or you desperately need love or you just want to be in a relationship. The reason you want get back to your ex should be genuine, free any form of resentment, hate, anger, lust, revenge and any other negative emotion. People say that they can’t go back to eat their vomit while other say the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know, which ever adage works for you, follow your heart. But if your heart lies with your ex, answer these questions with your ex and the outcome will determine whether you will date him or her. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs.