“A relationship is like a house. When a lightbulb burns out you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb”
-The Love Bits
Every type of human relationships is not void of conflict, romantic relationships are not different. When two people are in love they come from different backgrounds, with different beliefs, views on life, and lot of differences in characters, habits and behaviors. This will lead to clashes from time to time. Though frequent fighting especially about the silliest things is a major red flag, fights are not at all bad. Research has shown that when couples fight “the right way” they tend to wax stronger because they get to understand each other better after the fight. Fighting “The right way” simply means fight the problem not each other.
Couples fight about a lot of things, from little things like “who left the toilet seat up” to complex things like sex. According to research, couples fight on these ten things the most
No matter the issue that cause the fight, the key is handling the issue before it becomes a destructive tendency. There are tips to fight the right way, here are some tips
I. Pick your battles
Pick the fights you engage in. Do not bicker over everything and anything. Ask yourself “is this issue worth the stress? ” , if it’s not then find a way to dissolve the situation and not fight about it.
II. What matters to you both
Find out what really matters to you both in the relationship. This way, you will both know what will hurt each other, what will save the relationship and what will kill it. What matters to you and what matters to her and what matters to the both of you as a team is important in the growth of the relationship.
Most fights erupt because of lack of communication. One party feels the party is not doing this or that and instead of talking about it, picks a fight. Communicate your feelings to your partner, tell him to stop marking territory on the toilet seat, tell her politely that that you don’t want to wake up to a pant in your face. Talk about the small and big things.
IV. Learn to comprise
Learn to find a common ground for every thing. Because of your individualistic differences, there is bound to be different opinions on various issues, so the best way, find a common place where you both can meet. Also when a fight ensues, remember first that you are fighting the problem not each other and with that knowledge, find a common ground to sort out and solve the issue causing the fight.
V. Productive results
The end result must be meaningful, the fight must be productive. The fight must shield solutions to problems, help you understand each other better, guide you in the futute on how to handle similar situations and must bring peace to you both.
VI. Being right doesn’t matter
Being right doesn’t count. Always remember you are fighting the problem not each other. If your being right will ruin your relationship, concede defeat. Whether you are right or wrong, it doesn’t change who you are. The beauty of your relationship and strength of your relationship all depends on your perspective.
VII. Know your chores
It’s important to know which chore you and your partner assigned to each other to avoid unnecessary bickering. If you know your duty is to wash plates, don’t wait till she comes in complaining before you do. Do what you have to do at the right time.
Even with all these tips, some couples still fight incessantly. If you are fighting a lot, find out the root cause of the tension, think about whether you can cope in the relationship and what matters to you the most. Relationships are faced with many hurdles, fixing them together will bring the two of you closer. This has been Relationship Corner with Eddie Schwaggs